I Peed Like a Boy and I Liked It

Last weekend I went camping. I’ll spare you the usual jaunty tales of sitting in the sun and drinking wine.

 

But yes. Wine was had.

 

Instead we’ll talk about something much more important. How I peed in the woods like a boy.

Last Christmas, my little sister bequeathed to me something apparently only Montanans have heard of – the GoGirl.

 

 

It’s basically a silicone female urination device that allows women to pee while standing up.  I was curious. I took it out of the tube…inspected it…

 

“I shall name you Bob. And you shall be my friend.”

 

Had some fun with it…

 

 

 

 

And briefly flashbacked to that one Beetlejuice scene…

 

“What scene i–Oh right. THAT scene.”

 

And then decided to test it out. The instructions seemed simple: “Just hold GoGirl against your body, forming a seal. Aim and pee.”

Easy pee-sy.

I probably should have tested it at home before taking it into the wilderness but once I was down to my skivvies, ready to take a leak, I was hit with the “Where do I seal?” worry. I know pee flows from my urethra; however, cupping a plastic cylinder thing-a-ma-bob around it so precise-like rivaled a Mensa test.

“Where’s my urethra?!” I lamented to my husband in my best Brad Pitt what’s-in-the-box? voice from my hiding spot in the trees. “I can’t find it.”

As always, he promptly drank his wine and ignored me.

I was a tad befuddled. I mean, it’s not like I can unzip my zipper and stick it in like the website suggests (adjust your clothes; there’s no messing up your jeans – uh, yeah right), I do wear underwear, so you still have to de-pants.

So I did it. And I cupped it.

It worked. Sort of.

 

Like I said, I should have practiced before. But it wasn’t bad. And the thrill of peeing while standing up can never be matched.

It’s a cool product. I can see where it would come in handy when a bathroom isn’t around.  I’m just probably not the best person to use it. I’m a fumbling mess with poor aim and unsteady legs (gentlemen).

I guess, when nature calls, I just prefer squat-lounging back against trees like the uncoordinated woman I am.