The city of Portland would be proud. When I visited last month I did not make one “Portlandia” joke. How’s that for restraint?
Instead, I thoroughly enjoyed the weather and the alcohol.
And the No-Dog-Pooping signs.
In Portland, I realized that I had forgotten the way an old city feels. Portland has an East coast, old highways, and salty air kind of vibe, which isn’t felt in the southwest. And with its buzz of neon signs and wet water in the air, there was something nostalgic about the city and its atmosphere.
And now on to a perfect Portland 2-itinerary. The stops to brake for and the food to devour.
Stay
Check into a room with a hipster vibe. The Ace Hotel in downtown Portland full-throttle hums with tourists and locals. With a lounge, a photo booth, upstairs mezzanine with work space, coffee shop and bar and restaurant, The Ace is ace. Seriously, though. It’s probably one of the best boutique hotels I’ve stayed at. Everything is unique and quirky, and the little touches they do truly make the experience.
Eat
Portland is a city where you wait in line – sometimes minutes, sometimes hours – for food. But it’s worth it. I’ll tell ya that.
Do get a caffeinated buzz on at Heart Coffee and Stumptown Roasters. Do buy $20 bags of coffee and feel like a pauper afterwards.
Do toss money at Voodoo Donuts. It’s worth visiting for the tagline. A helpful tip to make the line wait easier – have lunch and a few glasses of rose at Dan and Louis Oyster Bar, then stumble on over to make conversation and giggle at the Cock and Balls Donut.
Don’t pass up the chicken and biscuits at Clyde Common. Mind. Blowing. One of the best brunch spots in town.
Do be fatties at Ox. I tried sweetbreads and it wasn’t the worst thing to happen to me.
Don’t be afraid of the lines at Pok Pok and Salt & Straw on SE Division Street. The calories are worth it. Be sure to try the Olive Oil ice cream at Salt and Straw.
Booze
Don’t try to make conversation with the bartenders at Kask. They will scowl and not be amused. Do however order one of their specialty cocktails. Just keep your mouth shut, son, and drink.
Do put on your reading glasses at the Multnomah Whiskey Library. You’ll need ‘em for the Whiskey Bible. SERIOUSLY. ARE YOU LISTENING, MORTALS? This place is amazing. Be prepared for a wait but it will all be worth it once you have that glass (or glasses) of sweet, sweet nectar in your hands. You will probably make the best-worst decisions after a night at this bar.
Do you hear the sound of angels singing?
Frolic
Do smell the roses at the International Rose Garden Test Garden. With so many colors and different varieties of roses, it’s definitely a bad place to be for a person with ADD.
This guy just deserved jazz hands.
Do head to Portland Saturday Market. Exclaim obscenities at the $10 flower bouquets that would normally cost $80 elsewhere. Don’t buy inappropriate aprons and bow ties for cats, even though I know you really want to.
$10 bucks for this. WTF?
DO NOT miss Powell’s Books. The epitome of a bookstore, this place is really, really, ridiculously good looking and a book-lover’s wet dream.
Do explore and shop the Pearl District.
Do stop by Hoodoo Antiques and take in the threatening graffiti and quirky artifacts.
Aaaaand there you go. If you ever head to Portland, your two-day itinerary is planned. Just be prepared to gain 10 pounds. You’re welcome.
Jules Just Write 